i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
