alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
