I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
