This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
