You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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