hotel room ftw
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
