I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
