I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
he told me I talked like a deaf person
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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