She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
