Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
