Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
