they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
