I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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