my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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