my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
