i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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