i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
