This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
my liver is dry heaving
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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