For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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