Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
