from now on my penis is your penis
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you will always have a special place in my vag
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
