its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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