I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
