Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I have fence marks all over my body
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
