hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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