walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
