Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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