You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
My dick has a subreddit
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
