Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
