Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
