you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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