dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
