I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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