It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
