Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
