I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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