My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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