Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
