i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Come see our sink grown plant.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
