Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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