the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
