weddingsv make me drug and hornr
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
