Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
the day after is always just damage control
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
We don't watch enough power rangers
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
