I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Randomize
