I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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