I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
