It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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