i just wanna soil my oats bro
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
