Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
