Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
